Toxic vs Healthy Relationships
“How you treat people is your vibration. How people treat you is theirs.” -Lalah Delia
I’m going through some major life shifts lately…a lot of healing, so I’m saying goodbye to toxic people. Not because “toxic” is a trending word lately, but because some people are actually toxic and harm your health. Like it’s literally a thing and can create more stress, weight gain, thyroid issues, and more…but it’s also important to note that “toxic” is not the same as “annoying” or “frustrating.”
There are some major signs of an unhealthy relationship, but there are also many small behaviors that flag an unhealthy relationship. It took me years to realize how toxic some of my relationships were because the signs were so subtle or laced with “I love you.” I’ll share a few of the less obvious signs, but you can view a list of fifty-one signs here. Also, this article shares some really great insight on toxic parent relationships.
Time to let go?
You don’t always have to cut people out of your life–we interact with people every day who are not necessarily toxic but engage in toxic behaviors. These are people you can simply create boundaries with by limiting the time you spend with them, what you talk about, and often, if you tell them that XYZ was really hurtful, they’ll be surprised that it affected you and try their best to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
But then there are the toxic people like described earlier. I have had to completely end some relationships and when it’s someone close to you, it’s almost like a death–it hurts, but you eventually learn to live with it.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself to help you know if it’s time to set boundaries or end your toxic relationship:
Do you feel comfortable around them?
Do you feel good about yourself after spending time with them?
Are you afraid to join the conversation because, “what if I say the wrong thing?”?
Do you feel emotionally or physically drained after spending time with them?
Is this person physically, emotionally, or mentally a hazard to your family?
Do you dread the thought of seeing them?
How do you feel when you get a text or call or surprise visit from them?
If you called them and asked them for help because you were sick or needed to borrow their car, what would they say?
Does seeing them makes you physically sick in some way? (headaches, migraine, shaking, etc.)
How do you feel answering those questions? Decide to have a tough conversation with them, and set boundaries for your own health.
There will be people who criticize you for creating boundaries or for cutting toxic people out of your life completely. The toxic person you leave will be angry, ignore you, or sometimes even beg you to stay. But you are not a victim for walking away. You have tried the tough conversations, and it’s time to create a boundary to protect your health and energy.
WHAT I’M USING // Zendocrine + Copaiba
Zendocrine is a blend of detoxifying essential oils; tangerine, rosemary, geranium, juniper berry, and cilantro. @kelsdauth taught me that geranium helps to reduce the cortisol (stress) levels in your body! It is also the oil of love and trust or “the emotional healer” and helps to restore confidence that there is good in people.
This last week I started taking Zendocrine at night to help cleanse all the toxicity from ending a toxic relationship–plus, according to the Body-Energy clock, your liver cleanses the blood between 1 and 3 and stores emotions like anger and frustration. So using Zendocrine before bed is a great way to cleanse your body physically, but also emotionally. It’s so great in softgel form because I don’t really love the smell of geranium.
Other oils in this soft gel:
Rosemary: aids in times of transition
Cilantro: helps to detox negative emotions and energy, helps to release worry and control
Tangerine: helps to access your creative energy and uplift
Juniper berry: supports the liver’s natural detox process and helps to face your fear
I use a copaiba softgel once in the morning, but you can use it a few times a day when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Copaiba is very calming to the nervous system and also encourages emotional release--you can join my Facebook group to watch the LIVE Instagram replay on stress and anxious feelings to learn more about how to use this!
JOURNAL PROMPTS //
Choose to use or all and do one each day. It’s totally up to you and use an oil before you journal (like copaiba to encourage emotional release). Feel free to tag me @folkandco on Instagram! I’d love to share in my story! #awildjournal
Make a list of people whose opinions really matter. The list should be small and people who will support you, but also tell you when you’re out of line (gently, with love). Mine is literally four people.
If you choose to break off a toxic relationship, write a letter to yourself reminding yourself why this is the healthy option for you. Part of mine says, “don’t let their accusations keep you from living–they can kindly, f♥ck right off. Thank you for being brave enough to stand up for yourself…You are not a victim by walking away from this.”
Write down the expectations you have for a healthy, functioning relationship.
Write down all of the ways you feel loved
Write down ways you de-stress. Sleep is one of mine–it’s not avoiding the problem if you’ve addressed it or plan to come back to it. As Dr. Christiane Northrup says, “Sleep is, hands down, the most effective way our bodies have to metabolize excess stress hormones and heal our bodies…sleep is my go-to healer and I highly recommend it for everyone.”Use geranium before bed over your kidneys or on your feet–I’ve been using Zendocrinesoftgels. If you can’t sleep when you need to de-stress during the day because of work, caring for your children, etc., try taking a drop of copaiba internally or a copaiba softgel. But then make sure you get to bed early that night if possible!
If you’re still unsure if you’re in a toxic relationship, I recommend Dodging Energy Vampires by Dr. Christiane Northrup.
If you’re struggling with lower vibrating emotions because of your toxic relationship(s) then I recommend reading The Energy of Emotions by Emily Maroutian, Light is the New Black by Rebecca Campbell, or Girl, Wash your Face by Rachel Hollis (she has a couple of chapters for free in her podcast!)